MegaMatchup

I had a big match-up last week. This team has decent hitters but RIDICULOUS pitching, so I thought I had a good chance. My pitching was lacking a bit, so I tried to pick up pitchers who were throwing throughout the week to try and keep up. She has Kershaw, Scherzer, Harvey, Mariano Rivera, Aroldis Chapman, Ryan Dempster, and Cliff Lee. Seriously?! She had more hot arms than a... never mind, that joke could go to a dark place. Anyway, I picked up Jason Hammel, got me -4 points. I picked up Scott Diamond, got me -9 points. SERIOUS FUCKING BACKFIRE. Wanna guess how many points I lost by? Yep, 13 goddamn points. Can't make this shit up.  We're now 4-2 on the young season.

Who's killing it?
Longo - had a huge week posting 60+ points for me
Paul Goldschmidt - Diamondbacks? I confuse them and the Astros a lot but Jesus do I need to pay more attention. He's raking.
Miguel Cabrera - always. Just, always.
Jean Segura - what? Who is this fucking guy?
Vernon Wells - THAT Vernon Wells? Yes. OH and he's a Yankee. Suck it.

Who's not?
Brett Lawrie - he'll come around. Maybe.
BJ Upton - this usually happens, everyone calm down.
Ike Davis - is anyone surprised? No? Good.
Miguel Montero - interesting, think we expected more.
Will Middlebrooks - yeah, just, disappointing.

LaRoche Exits April

After an April where his batting average more closely resembled my blood alcohol level on Cinco de Mayo, Adam LaRoche has himself a nice hitting streak going. He's not only hit safely in his last 8 games, 4 of them have been multi-hit games. I knew he'd come around eventually!! (no I didn't, I was about to drop his ass...) If he's been dropped in your leagues I'd recommend picking him up, maybe try to trade him while he's hot.

Of course I check my fantasy team as I'm writing this and he's struck out twice today. Damnit LaDouche.

In the offseason he's an avid deer rapist?

Who The Fuck Is Carlos Gomez

Seriously. Did I miss some sort of memo? I consider myself pretty educated on everyone playing the game right now so how the hell did I overlook this kid? I drafted him, then dropped him after his terrible start. Now he's batting .367 with 7 stolen bases and is crushing everyone!! Ugh, I really fucked that one up. I would much rather have him than fucking Justin Ruggiano. Just look at that picture. I forgot to factor in the gum-bubble:talent ratio.

On another note: Mark Trumbo is crushing the ball right now. 5 homers in his last 6 games, and is a big part of the reason I'm demolishing my match-up this week. Should I sell high on him or keep him? I do need pitching, so that's something I'll be considering this week. I'm on the hunt for a Max Scherzer or a Hiroki Kuroda.

I wasn't going to insert a picture here but then I googled Hiroki Kuroda and holy shit you're welcome.

Moves I made this week:

• Dropped Felix Doubront and picked up Jake Westbrook. This really worked out because Doubront got crushed in his start yesterday, Westbrook struggled but got himself a win.
• Dropped Chris Johnson and picked up Mike Moustakas. Really hoping the Moose has turned a corner in the season and was just having a slow start. Johnson isn't an every day starter and I need a young power guy in case Berkman, Adrian Gonzalez, or Longoria get injured. I see it happening at some point in the season.  Also, let's be honest, Johnson isn't as good as he's been playing.
• Nope, still have Dan Uggla. Ugh.

Seriously, fuck this guy.

R.I.P. Hanley

DISCLAIMER: Hanley Ramirez is not dead.

But he is to me, he has to be in order for me to survive this season of fantasy baseball. Want to know why? I traded him for...wait for it... Fernando Rodney. I was drunk? No, at the time I was thinking, "hey, Rodney had more points than Hanley last year, he had more saves than almost everyone, I need a 3rd closer!!" But you know what? I didn't need a 3rd closer. Know what I need? Someone to fill my 2B/SS hole (that's what she said? Sorry.) Because fucking Dan Uggla (not recommended) strikes out more than I did at freshman prom (so many pimples). SO now I'm stuck with Rodney getting zero save chances and Uggla collecting K's while Hanley comes roaring back from the DL. Rest in peace Hanley, I hardly knew ye.

UPDATE:  Hanley fucked up his hammy last night and Rodney got his first save with me, I may survive this season after all

Baseball

Sometimes I still wish I could wake up at the crack of dawn, throw on my cleats and run onto the infield as the morning dew soaks up my pants leg. The smell of drying clay and powdered lines haunts my dreams as an unfulfilled potential lingers. Baseball, my first love. It and Spring go so well together as this nation rebirths itself from recession. A new season, a new chance to prove yourself, a new life. There is nothing like the sound of ball hitting leather, with the sole exception of it hitting wood, or rather wood hitting it. Ah the crack of triumph. Like a wooden whip.

Baseball will always be the beautiful game. It can withstand evolution, recession, hardship and prosper. Because at its essence the game itself does not change. New statistics can change the way we view and analyze players, new rules can prevent unfair advantages, but it remains the strategic, gentleman's game it once was. It is sportsmanship, it is role models. It is as American as tractors, Chevy, television, porches, and ice tea. No American kid has ever grown up not wanting to play baseball.

Baseball, my last love.

Fantasy Baseball 2013: Part 2

Part Deux.

We left off with Carlos Beltran (Carlos #2).

Rd 13: Andre Eithier, OF. Ok, outfield is set. His average is low but he always contributes in some way, he's consistent. I had my eye on him after last year.


Rd 14: C.J. Wilson, SP. The pack of really good starting pitchers was starting to thin, so I went with someone I knew would get wins. Figured the Angels (Trout, Trumbo, Pujols, Hamilton, etc.) would be a great place to look. Wilson, on any other team, would be absolutely painful to have. He gives up a lot of hits and a lot of runs, but, he gets wins.

Rd 15: Dan Uggla, 2B. I'm not proud of this one. The only reason I took him was for his power, he hits a lot of homeruns which is good in some formats. But his average is depressingly low. I needed a 2B/SS spot to fill, he might get dropped at some point.

Rd 16: Adam LaRoche, 1B. I thought this was a STEAL. His numbers were so good last year, he's on a good team, everything added up and I needed someone in that 1B/3B slot. OMG is he miserable so far this year. Here is a snap-shot of his last 8 games in points: 1, -1, -4, -1, 0, -1, 0 and today so far, -2 (UPDATE: -3, if you thought he was only going to strike out twice today then fuck you). He's hitting .147. I want to cry. This is my Mike Napoli of 2013 so far.

Rd 17: Jason Vargas, SP. Shit, I need more pitchers, let's try LA again. Know what I'm realizing so far this year? The Angles have really shitty pitchers. Vargas has already been dropped.

Rd 18: Salvador Perez, C. He was one of my gems from last year, I was happy he hadn't been drafted yet because he went suspiciously high in my other league. I've since dropped him but might grab him again. Details later.

Rd 19: Ryan Vogelsong, SP. I don't know why I like California's pitchers, I just do. He's another one who should get wins, he's been mediocre so far, I've almost dropped him twice but I hang on.

Rd 20: A. J. Burnett, SP. I love him so much more as a non-Yankee. He was such a waste of money in New York, I'm happy he found a nice, small, shitty market to shine in.

Rd 21: Wil Myers, OF. Top prospect for Tampa Bay. Only problem? Hasn't made it out of the minors yet. Whoopsie. It's late in the draft, I'm probably drunk.

Rd 22: Wandy Rodriguez, SP. I really like this guy. I watched him tear it up last year and I had no idea who he was, I just hope the Pirates get more wins this year. Also - Wandy? Were his parents torn between Walter and Andy? "Fuck it honey, let's name him Wandy. He'll have so many friends!!"

Rd 23: Jonathon Lucroy, C. Not sure why I made this move really. I like him a lot but didn't need to draft him, dropped him but might have to pick him back up too. It's between him and Salvador, but so far Lucroy is putting up better numbers, just keep his wife's luggage away from him.

Rd 24 (final round): Ross Detwiler, SP. Really good numbers and plays for a winning team.I've since traded him, which is good now because the Nationals are really struggling for some reason.

Dropped: Carlos Gomez, Jason Vargas, Jonathon Lucroy, Wil Myers, Salvador Perez, Ryan Vogelsong (just dropped him, like right now. He's awful.).

Added: John Buck (catcher for the Mets who is off to a record breaking start. It won't last.), Chris Johnson (3B for the Braves. Until LaRoche gets his shit together I'm using Chipper's replacement, plus he went to the same college I did.), Starling Marte (OF for the Pirates, off to a scorching hot start), Denard Span (OF for the Nationals, he seems to fit in better here than he did in Minnesota), Justin Masterson (SP for the Indians, pitching ridiculously well right now, doesn't get many win chances though), Justin Ruggiano (OF for the Marlins, a lot of potential, not much results)

Trades: Ross Detwiler for Alexi Ramirez. I didn't have a SS so I had to do something, Alexi is solid, consistent. Hanley Ramirez for Fernando Rodney. HEAR ME OUT Rodney is off to a slow start but he will get saves and he will find his groove. He fucking better. And Hanley is not a sure thing anymore, he's had a couple disappointing seasons, he better keep that shit up or there's a good chance a friendship will end over this trade. I think that's what was going through my stupid brain at the time, I might regret this decision.

Standings: we're 2-1 and about to be 3-1. I have a big match-up next week so that will really test my team.

Concerns: my pitching has been a little weak. Masterson, Vogelsong, and Wilson are all big question marks. They've put up both strong and weak performances and I never know what to expect. Masterson just got rocked by KC, Vogelsong already gave up a run to San Diego in the 1st. So I might need to explore some trades.

Surprises: besides LaDouche? Pretty much none. I knew much more about my guys this year than I did last year.

Fantasy Baseball 2013: Part 1

I'm back. I spent the entire year stewing over the horrible and naive decisions I made in my rookie year last season. Taking Mike Napoli first round? Trading Evan Longoria in week 2? Undervaluing Matt Holliday? All treacherous mistakes I made. But because of all these hiccups I became a free agent shark. Discovered Josh Reddick, R.A. Dickey, Bryce Harper, and Allen Craig just sitting there, lonely and un-owned. All of these guys went high this year, this is the only satisfaction I got from last year's season.

I started doing research about a week before the draft, searching for hidden gems, trying to come up with a draft strategy. I ended up with the 2nd overall pick, which I was excited but nervous about. You don't want to blow a pick that high. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the 2013 draft results for The Devil Wears Prado, part 1:

Rd 1: Robinson Cano, 2B. This one was pretty obvious. Not only is he one of if not the most naturally gifted players in the game, I live in New York, so I get to watch him play every night. He started a little slow but that didn't last long. I love watching him.

Rd 2: Felix Hernandez, SP. This may have been a mistake, but he was available and I wanted an anchor pitcher, someone I can count on every single outing and didn't have to worry about. I had Verlander last year but he was gone, so all hail the King. The only thing I didn't consider, or am worried about, is that he pitches for Seattle so he won't get as many wins as a Verlander or Sabbathia.

Rd 3: Evan Longoria, 3B. I will not be trading him this year. Maybe. I had to have a keystone third baseman. I just had to, and it was either going to be Longo or Adrian Beltre. Obviously Longo was the preferred choice, also I love having an excuse to watch the Rays. I love Joe Maddon and that team, I wish he was my grandpa. 

Rd 4: Adrian Gonzalez, 1B. He had a disappointing 2012 but I think we can all chalk that up to what will henceforth be known as "The Bobby Valentine Kerfuffle". So far he's hitting .354 with 17 RBIs, the HR totals are low but they'll come. Also - he has a girl's name. I don't know why I never noticed this, but there it is. I said it.

My infield is pretty much set, SP, 1B, 2B, 3B. There's only one or two SS out there worth drafting high and they already went, I wasn't too concerned with that position as much. So with my core hitters settled I wanted to start looking to get more pitchers and start looking for gems.

Rd 4: Craig Kimbrel, RP. This man is a freak. You cannot hit him, you cannot score on him. He's been virtually untouchable so far this season and the Braves just don't stop winning.

Got my core starter and core reliever.

Rd 6: Hanley Ramirez, SS. Oops he's injured, did not actually know that at the time or I would've waited to look at him. And actually I've already traded him, but I'll get into that later. I was hoping he'd bounce back after having a weird year between Miami and LA. No results so far, you know, because he's injured.

Rd 7: Chris Sale, SP. Got a second, very good pitcher and things are looking up. My strategy was to get 3 sure thing, good-to-great pitchers and then mostly speculate on the rest or use free agency. There are so many pitchers out there it's easy to change or improve your roster.

Shit, I don't have any outfielders yet. This was actually, also part of my strategy but I was beginning to wonder if that was a bad idea. Same as with pitchers, there are a ton of outfielders to browse through in free agency, so I wasn't too concerned. But it was time to start grabbing OFs.

Rd 8: Mark Trumbo, OF. He got a little over-looked in the Trout circus but he had a very good year last year and I had my eyes on him since the draft started. Plus "Trumbo" is an awesome name and I wanted to play that into my fantasy team name (Operation Trumbo Drop? I'll get back to you on that).

Rd 9: James Shields, SP. That was my 3rd core pitcher, happy I got him. Only problem is he now plays for Kansas City so the wins won't be as easy, but he's still solid. I like KC this year and hope they get a lot of wins, they have a lot of young talent.

Rd 10: Carlos Gomez, OF. Ok, I'll admit, I was a little drunk by this point and saw "Car-Go" and freaked out and drafted him. Then I realized this is the wrong Car-Go. To make things worse he had a miserable start to the season so I dropped him, and of course now he's tearing it up and was claimed. Thinking I should water down my drinks a little at this point.

Rd 11: Jim Johnson, RP. BOOM. Kimbrel and Johnson? Get the hell out of here. 80+ saves between the two of them last year, I am now very, very happy with my pitching. And the Orioles are looking to have a big year.

Rd 12: Carlos Beltran, OF. One thing I REALLY hate is having health risks (part of the reason I traded Longoria last year). There's nothing worse than losing a match-up because one of your guys who was perfectly healthy the week before now has a "bruised fibula" or something stupid. But I like Carlos (2nd Carlos drafted so far if you're keeping track).


We are halfway through the draft and I'm pretty satisfied. My only question mark is Carlos Gomez because I don't know him. I saw "Carlos" and a lot of stolen bases so I pounced like a slow, drunken cheetah.